?

Log in

 
 
16 August 2007 @ 06:00 am
I'm currently smacking my head against the wall.  
I know I do a lot of dumbass things when I’m drunk. But hell, this one takes the cake, the bacon, the fucking best picture award for "I'm drunk and an idiot".

Ken, Ria, Anj, Martin, Pay and I were all hanging out, drinking coffee when I saw JJ. He was standing a few feet away and everything just stood still for one moment. pay and ria started elbowing each other since, hell yeah, this was the guy I pined over a couple of years back. We were friends, and I seriously gave it my all but it didn’t seem like he was willing to go for a more-than-friends kind of thing, so I took my heart and ditched him before I fell in too deep. The years apart only made him look cuter. I feel like a stupid little high schooler. Strange that my ultra practiced confidence shatters when he looks at me like that. Seriously, he is the only guy who can render me tongue tied. I invited him for a drinking session at pay's house since we were all totally stressed out from work (we're all call center agents! wtf!) and needed a break. A really sloshed, who cares what happens, I’m not going to remember this in the morning type of break.

I’ve had a major crush on him for years, but I never really knew that he used to have a thing for me---that is, until last night. I was already waaaaay past my recommended number of shots, and almost everybody else was already beyond tipsy. except for Martin. How you do it, man, is beyond me.

We were drinking in the garden, catching up on each other’s lives (so memorable, pay's garden! All the house parties in college, kahit magkakahiwalay!…)and after a couple of hours, all talk turned to alcohol talk (a lovely little phrase from Tina and bobby). out of nowhere he blurts out that he used to have a crush on me. Ria and Pay start screaming "she used to have a crush on you too! She used to have a crush on you too!" and laughing. And dancing. I was so embarrassed! jeez can you tell how utterly drunk we were? I managed to ask "why didn’t you say anything?", and he told me he was kind of afraid of rejection at the time.

Not again. Where have I heard that before?

Anyway, I was starting to get into "my head feels like a balloon" level of drunkenness, plus I had to digest that information, so I went over to the guest room to just rest for a bit. I set my alarm for 5 a.m., since ria still had to leave early for school the next day. After a few minutes, he walked in with a bottle of water. We talked about a few things, most of which I don’t remember because of what happened next.

He kissed me. And I kissed him back.

I haven't been kissed in months. Not like that anyway. So I kissed him back. I just shut my eyes and i went for it. After all, this was what I wanted a couple of years ago, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? and I miss having a boyfriend, I’m lonely, and this guy, this guy I really thought I was in love with for years turned out to have feelings for me, and I was drunk---fuck it, I’m making excuses. We had sex.

Why am I an idiot?

He has a girlfriend. They’ve been together for four years.
 
 
Current Mood: energeticstupid!